Saturday, 24 September 2011

My Fault

It is my fault.  Didn't you know?  When we disagreed, even though I gave perfectly good reasons for my opinion.  You said I was offensive, rude, mean or disrespectful.  You told me that in a manner that was offensive, rude, mean and disrespectful.  You told me that I should know better, despite your flagrant hypocrisy.  You were hurt when I didn't intend it, so you set out to hurt me with severe intent.  My fault, clearly.  I should have realised that I am not entitled to speak my opinion with the conviction with which I believe it.

You know why we didn't work out?  It is my fault.  I mean, I chased you for months.  I cancelled nights out with my friends to see you, even though you wouldn't do the same.  I opened up and shared my feelings because you told me that is what you wanted to hear.  You didn't reciprocate because you had trust issues.  It was okay for you to expect me to put my trust issues away but too much to ask you to do the same.  So we didn't work out.  My fault, clearly.  I should have been more understanding. I do all the chasing and you just enjoy the show.

You know when I had been away for a while.  I came back and was different to how you expected.  It is my fault.  I mean you didn't think that maybe I had been through experiences you couldn't comprehend.  You just assumed that because I didn't fit your prescribed idea of how I should be, you'd rather be rid of me than have me around.  My fault.  I wish I could have fixed that but you were too busy telling everyone else how I didn't fit the bill rather than me.  So by the time you told me, well, I was a worthless piece of crap that shouldn't have burdened you with my presence.  My fault, clearly.  I should have realised that you can't just let people be themselves and that they must conform to your homogenised view.

It is always my fault.  I have to apologise.  I have to be the bigger man.  It is my fault because I "always have to be right."  A truly moronic statement that; who goes out thinking "I like to be wrong every now and then, just to keep my humility average up"?  The fact is that I will say something, you won't listen and then when I turn out to be right, you think I'm being smug.  I haven't said a thing, I haven't smirked but rather than you admit you're wrong, you say "Oh you think you're so clever."  You know what I'd have preferred?  For you to listen... then if it goes right, you've been the smart one.  If it goes wrong, you can blame me.  Then, and only then, will it truly be my fault!

Just once, I'd like someone to acknowledge that a dispute, a disagreement, in fact, anything negative between me and them is their fault.  Apologies are rarer than diamonds to me and infinitely more precious.  Although an apology is worth nothing unless you do something about it.  And no matter what you think, it is your fault.... just stop making it my problem.